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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25142680">Another You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyNeurotic/pseuds/ArtsyNeurotic'>ArtsyNeurotic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Kaleidoscope [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Bittersweet Ending, Crying, DEArtfest, Depressed Gavin Reed, Depression, Gavin Reed Needs a Hug, Gavin Reed Not Being an Asshole, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sort Of, Star-crossed, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:22:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25142680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtsyNeurotic/pseuds/ArtsyNeurotic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's easy to take things for granted when life is going well...<br/>Unfortunately for Gavin Reed, good times are few and far between, and one moment shatters that irrevocably.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Note: This is a rough ride kids, take care of yourselves.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Kaleidoscope [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1158839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Another You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>For the longest time, it was always Gavin versus the world, and Gavin was totally fine with that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Until one day it wasn't.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite his best efforts, despite his prickly demeanor and self-consciousness that he buried under layers of false bravado.  Despite it all, an <em> android </em>of all things managed to get behind his defenses and challenged him to open up and accept someone in his life.  For once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn't easy, and it took countless days of coffee and snark and chipping down those barriers... but eventually RK900 succeeded in its mission.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> HIS </em>mission, he amended.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he was rewarded with deviancy and a name, a name that Gavin of all people happily provided.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nines.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nines treasured that name.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He also treasured the gruff, snarky little detective under his care.  Not that he'd ever admit to Gavin that he was so protective; he wouldn't want to bruise Gavin's fragile little ego.  But he was protective all the same.  He was the expendable one, he reminded Gavin, the one who could be replaced.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Don't you ever say that," Gavin sharply replied, grasping Nines' arms, his voice tight with emotion. "Nothin' could replace you, Nines."  He cleared his throat, trying to reclaim his composure.  "You might be a tin can, but you're <em> my </em>Tin Can, got it?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nines was addicted to the warm swell in his chest whenever Gavin grew angry on his behalf.  Addicted to Gavin's silly crooked grin.  His ridiculous attempt at winking.  His surprisingly tender touches when it was just the two of them in Gavin's cramped apartment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nines... loved him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which is why it was the most natural thing in the world for Nines to take the bullet intended for him.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The infallible preconstruction determined with 95% certainty that the criminal's bullet would pierce the detective's frontal lobe.  Nines had 1.5 seconds to swiftly place himself between the gunman and his target, and to give Gavin's shoulder a light squeeze.  In his robotic mind, time slowed to a crawl, as he unsuccessfully tried to memorize every line on Gavin's startled face.  <em> Gavin, I love you. </em>  His robotic features softened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Gavin, I lo--"</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>*******</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>He was being punished.  He had to be.  He deserved it for his past, his prior misgivings, his mistakes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> You don't deserve happiness </em> , Gavin told himself.  <em> Look what someone gets when they get close to you. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was strange, he thought to himself, how detached he went when the front of Nine's skull exploded in flecks of blue and splintered metal and plastic.  Gavin's brain refused to acknowledge what just happened in front of him, even once the gunman was tackled and someone (Hank?) was roughly shaking him to snap him out of it.  Sounds were muffled like he was underwater; his body went numb.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was in a daze, even as his legs gave way underneath him and he collapsed down by the still android body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin's vision blurred as he desperately cradled Nines, his tear stained cheeks crushed against the android's blue stained temple.  He wasn't a technician, but he instinctively knew there was no coming back from this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> You might be a tin can, but you're my Tin Can, got it? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He broke.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He broke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then he broke again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin barely noticed how everyone stepped around him at the office like they were walking on eggshells.  They had never seen the brash cop so devastated.  He had no energy to put up a front.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why bother?  Nines was gone.</p>
<p>Connor and Hank tried in their own ways to provide comfort, but their efforts just slid right over Gavin.  Not that he didn't appreciate it on some level but... at the end of the day it all meant nothing.  Nothing without Nines.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That made it all the more surprising when a few days later, Cyberlife extended an invitation to talk to the DPD.  Apparently newly re-acquired CEO Elijah Kamski had taken interest in the unusual matter of a human like Gavin falling in love with an ex-killing machine.  It tickled his fancy well enough that he undertook the challenge of repairing Nines.  Or at least as well as one <em> could </em>, given the circumstances.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin's heart was pumping a mile a minute.  He couldn't think, couldn't eat.  He prayed to a god he had never once before believed in to bring Nines back to him.  He'd do <em> anything </em>, he thought, anything to get him back.  To fill the RK900 shaped hole in his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And a few days after that, a visitor came knocking at the DPD.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In a freshly laundered black and white uniform, a pristine RK900 unit entered, arms crossed behind his back as Nines always did before. </p>
<p>Connor and Hank were ecstatic.  Gavin was... overwhelmed to say the least.  He felt tears threaten to prick at the corners of his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Nines!!" Connor yelled happily, "welcome back!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin's feet took off automatically, propelling him towards the RK900, not caring about the looks he gathered from the watching audience.  He collided with the tall android, embracing him as he hitched in emotional gasps.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Nines," he choked out, "I can't believe it..." Gavin pressed his face into the strong chest.  "Don't you ever do that again, you hear me?  Please..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The android stiffened slightly against Gavin's embrace. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When no answer came, Gavin paused and looked up at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Red whirled at Nines' temple, a vaguely confused look on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Detective...?"  He gently removed himself from Gavin's grasp and straightened his lapels.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Connor and Hank slowed to a stop, worry coloring their features.  Gavin’s smile stilted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin tried to chuckle weakly.  “‘Detective’? C’mon Nines, this is possibly the <em> worst </em>time to crack a joke, but I appreciate the gestur--”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The android’s brow furrowed slightly.  “My apologies, Detective, but my name is Richard.  I chose it when I was reactivated by Mr. Kamski.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The silence in the office was deafening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But that’s… that can’t…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A vicious nausea grew inside Gavin, his heart dropping into a deep, desolate vacuum.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>*******</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Turns out that miracles don’t exist in real life… at least not for one Gavin Reed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Richard explained the situation in the break room away from prying eyes.  Gavin sat silently, while Hank and Connor looked on worriedly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To his credit, Kamski made good on restoring the RK900 to working order, but while the outer elements were easily replaced, the inner components were… irreplaceable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The catastrophic damage Nines had suffered from the gunshot obliterated his short term memory backup.  It was too far gone to restore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How long… is the ‘short term’ memory backup…?” Gavin heard himself ask hollowly, but already knew the answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Connor answered for Richard.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Up to a year.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A cough erupted from Gavin.  A cough turned to a messy laugh.  </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>They’d started working together just a little over a year ago.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>This was a joke.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> No </em> , Gavin corrected himself.  <em> My </em> <b> <em>life </em> </b> <em> is a joke </em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The laugh strained and hiccuped, and the overwhelmed detective got up and left the room abruptly, his shaking shoulders painfully obvious to both androids.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hank rubbed the back of his head, sighing in empathy.  “God damn it.”</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>*******</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>While Kamski was able to maintain Richard’s deviancy, activating it <em> after </em>his short term memory was wiped had the unintended effect of rerouting his learning matrix.  Simply put, his mind crafted new pathways to new ways of understanding and approaching the world.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But that also meant that ‘Richard’ was slightly different from ‘Nines’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And the “slightly different” involved almost <em> everything </em>related to Gavin Reed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To his credit, a heartbroken yet hopeful Gavin tried to reforge the bonds between them.  He offered to get drinks, hang out, talk together.  But his desperation seeped out of every attempt he made, and only succeeded in awkward moments and polite declinations from Richard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nines and Gavin had a history.  </p>
<p>Richard and Gavin didn’t.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was as uncomfortable as someone pledging undying affection to someone they only knew in passing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin took some time and tried again, forcing down his hopes and retrying with a more measured, distanced approach, which Richard responded better to.  But at the end of every day, Richard’s reactions were always more of a polite coworker than someone interested in more. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was devastating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin requested a week off, which Fowler briskly approved.  Gavin had never requested time off before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was as if he disappeared from the face of the earth for that week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he came back, he was a shell of his previous self.  He sat alone, avoided crowds.  He made excuses for not hanging out with other people.  His skin looked pale and his eyes were sunken.  The bags under his eyes were <em> worse </em>than they were a year ago. His face was scruffy and unkempt.  But perhaps the most alarming thing of all were his eyes. Normally fiery and with a sharp green glint, Gavin’s eyes drifted across the office listlessly, deadened and subdued.</p>
<p>Richard felt a strange twinge of guilt flood his system.  Gavin didn’t seem like a bad guy; his previous version clearly cared for him, so Richard knew that couldn’t be the case… but he couldn’t just start <em> feeling </em> something for someone he just didn’t know well enough.  It wasn’t fair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Richard tried on a number of attempts to gain insight from Connor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What were we like… before?” he ventured, his expression betraying a troubled conscience in the wake of seeing a deteriorating Detective Reed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Connor extended his hand gently.  “I can show you, but it won’t be the same as how you… how <em> Nines </em>experienced it firsthand.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Richard paused a moment and accepted the link.  It was better than nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Like video playback, the memories flushed his system, Connor observing Nines and Gavin’s many initial altercations, jokes, eventual affection and close association.  Nines looked genuinely happy, and Richard wilted at the thought that the happy Gavin in Connor’s memories was now suffering because of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The memories were helpful, but ultimately didn’t offer any mind-altering insight into what would inspire that spark in Richard that Nines at some point clearly started for Gavin.  But Richard memorized Nines’ face.  His soft, warm expressions.  His joy.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>In a strange way, he envied Nines.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Perhaps he was his own man now, but Richard decided to keep his mind open, and give it a try.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>“Detective?” Richard carefully spoke up, pulling the dejected Gavin away from the monitor full of open case report documents.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin’s eyes flicked over and almost imperceptibly flinched at Richard.  “H-Hey… Richard.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was giving further thought to your offer for a walk at lunch, and realized that I may have answered prematurely.”  He tried a small smile. “I believe I would like to take you up on the offer, if you’ll still have me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin’s lip quivered in response, as he managed a faint watery smile, and nodded silently.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>*******</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>It would be a wonderful fairytale to say that they rekindled their long lost flames.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It would be wonderful to say happy endings <em> do </em>exist in real life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But real life often proves to be complicated.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>To their credit, Richard and Gavin were able to repair their working relationship.  Gavin didn’t opt for a new partner, and Richard was determined to try and understand Gavin anew.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But it was an incredibly slow process… one that hit more roadblocks because of misunderstandings and expectations based on their previous relationship.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin had to continually berate himself mentally for getting his hopes up, to just be happy that RK900 lived in some form… even if he wasn’t Nines.  <em> Friendship is better than nothing, right? </em>Some days it was like pulling a bandage off a healing wound, and his depression renewed itself over and over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He missed his Nines.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>His Nines who died for a waste of a man like him.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the bad nights, he cried himself to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the good days, he swallowed it down and tried to bond with Richard.  Richard was a good guy.  Different from Nines in these odd tiny ways, like how he liked sunsets but Nines like sunrises, or how he liked dogs where Nines like cats.  Like some alternate reality Nines who was <em> just </em> different enough that Gavin could never successfully convince himself it was the same.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But he was a good guy.  And a good Richard was much better than no Richard at all.  So Gavin sucked up his feelings and forced them deep down, where no one else could see them.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>*******</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Their fledgling friendship was put to the test a couple of months later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pair was sent to investigate a tip for a possible drug den in an abandoned building on the south side.  Connor and Hank were along for the ride, which seemed to provide sufficient backup for what could’ve easily ended up being a false alarm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But it wasn’t a false alarm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>While Connor and Hank split away to flank two of the dealers that were holed up in the building, Richard and Gavin set upon tracking down the third one.  The lights flashed and sputtered, barely lit in a building functioning on a backup generator somewhere.  Shadows played wildly across the walls with each surge of light.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Richard turned to scan the area behind them, with Gavin facing forward into the darkness, quietly moving through an unfamiliar hallway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An old lamp hanging in the hallway flickered, and Gavin perked up, suddenly catching a glimpse of a silhouette aiming at Richard.  Pulse pounding, he raised his gun and leapt forward, in front of Richard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No! Get down!” Gavin managed, before firing a shot at the darkness as the figure fired at them simultaneously.  Richard swung around sharply and saw the dealer fall away with a clatter, as Gavin stumbled backwards.  The android broke his fall, supporting the detective solidly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jesus,” Gavin almost chuckled, “y’gotta be more careful Tin Can, you almost…” he let his statement hang in the air, not wanting to finish it with “got shot again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, Detective, that was quick thinking,” Richard replied.  “I’m letting Connor know the suspect is down.” His yellow LED light lit the small space as it spun.  “It appears they were successful in subduing the other two.”  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pshh, showoffs.”  Gavin smirked. He paused a moment, swaying a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Detective…?” Richard noticed the uneven breathing and barely caught Gavin before he completely tumbled to the ground.  He lay the man on the ground as his hands came away a glistening red.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck,” Gavin muttered, “guess… guess it’s my turn.” Richard looked on in horror as a deep red stain was working across his midsection.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Detective, hold on, I’ve called emergency services, they will be here in 10 minutes,” he stated, voice crackling with static. He reached out for Connor, begging him to come help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin was strangely quiet, a hand pressed on his wet chest as he felt Richard frantically work above him, attempting to stop the crimson flow, but without a tourniquet or sufficient supplies he was left feeling helpless.  Gavin was losing far too much blood.  In his HUD, time ticked away on the detective’s estimated life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The timer was shorter than the one estimating the EMT’s arrival.  Significantly so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just stay calm, Detective, help will be here shortly,” Richard babbled, as Connor ran up to them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hank’s out front to let the EMT know where you are, they’re on their way…”  Connor trailed off, his more human inflections giving away what everyone in the room knew.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“‘S fine…” Gavin painfully pushed out.  “I’m not stupid, I… I know the score.”   </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Richard felt a compulsion, deep in his system, to squeeze Gavin’s hand on his chest. A sense of longing, buried and faint, blossomed from that touch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The man below him blinked, eyes unfocused, his clammy face searching the android’s face above him.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A familiar, softened face sadly smiled back at him.  “You’re going to be okay, Gavin; please just hang on.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin’s expression contorted, disbelieving.  ‘<em>Gavin’ ? Not ‘Detective’ ?  Does that mean… could it…? </em>   </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Nines..?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The android nodded slowly, LED fluctuating between red and yellow, finally forcing itself into a soft blue hue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gavin’s lips violently trembled, as tears flowed brokenly down his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Y-you came back,” his shattered voice whispered.  “I <em>knew</em> you’d come back... “ his face leaned in to the hand caressing his cheek.  “I missed you so much.  I was so… so <em>sad</em>.”  Gavin’s shaking hand clasped around the android’s.  His voice was tight.  “But you're <em>here</em> now..." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s all right Gavin,” he repeated, his voice laced with static, ignoring the timer in his HUD.  “You’re going to be all right.  <em>I'm here</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah..."  The green in Gavin’s eyes flickered and then dimmed as he gazed up, smiling faintly.  "I'm... I'm not lonely anymore..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His hand faltered and loosened its grip on the android, and then fell to his still chest.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was silent then, tearful happiness slackened and faded away.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>The blue hue of the LED shifted back to a blaring red, as the android slowly cradled the detective to his chest.  Connor approached him gradually, the sounds of sirens wailing in the background and the hefty steps of Hank as he caught up with the group.  Connor reached out with a hand, and then dropped it in an aborted gesture.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>“Nines…?  Is that you?  Do you remember...?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pristine fingers tenderly brushed away the hair across the detective’s forehead, pausing to rest on his cheek.  He turned and regarded Connor and Hank with a quiet sadness, clear thirium streaking down his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Red continued to spin at Richard’s temple as his voice replied, coated in static.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>“No…”</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>“… but I wish that I <em> did </em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:(<br/>Edit: I reworked a couple things to flow a little better, sorry for the weird update!</p>
<p>Sad fics are always emotionally draining for me to write, but the Amnesia theme compelled me to do this one.<br/>Hope people liked it!<br/>:(</p></blockquote></div></div>
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